My Marriage and Divorce

It has been difficult year for some many people. I know that 2020 is a year of uncertainty. My life has been that way the whole time, but it has not been with the world. I have thought back and forth and over and over again about what to talk about and what to keep to myself. It is not that I do not have a lot to say, it just that I want it be valuable and not just negative story. In March of 2020 I finalized my legal divorce. 

( My Quran and Prayer Rug)

In 2018, I left my ex-husband for good. I left many times, but this time I made up my mind to not come back. We have four children together. Two boys and two girls from age of 8 to 5 years. I have only been back with him for about a month. After eight years of abuse and realizing that if he was not willing to invest in fixing our marriage it was no point in me doing so. He had called from Saudi and explained that he was planning to meet a woman the next day for marriage and that he had already met some people and did not like them. He continued to push the topic and I let him know that he can marry someone else but I was not willing to stay.  He was unwilling to spend anytime in saving our marriage. He had spoke words that made me realized that nothing was left for him to do to me expect death.It was dangerous and I realized I had been with someone that was not good for me. He said, " I have not done anything wrong to you" That shocked me. I told him that in front of Allah I could not say that. That I know I have done wrong in our marriage I would be to afraid of facing Allah with such a lie. He really felt that he had done nothing wrong.Bring dragged by my hair till it fell out and my hairline bled.Food dumped on my head as I wash the dish and made to clean it up.Put down for the way I walked and talked. Not being allowed to go out for fear of embarrassing him. Living in fear of just having my name called. And the list goes on and on I was divorced in 2018, but it took time to get the legal divorce finalized.My story is not over yet.But I am happier even in 2020.It may not happen the way we pictured it. But life has upsides and downsides. I still have to deal with him per court order and custody.I want anyone reading this to know that it is okay to start over. It is not easy and it may mean getting a small time job. Allah is always there. Stay in prayer.Your life has value. Be safe and do not let the bad side of this year be your focus. Stay positive and be safe